Piano

Can you believe I wrote 7 pages today? Neither can I. But somehow I worked for 10 hours and wrote and wrote. I think this chapter will be the best one.

I have been playing piano a lot. I was thinking about how it's been a part of my life, and really my primary emotional outlet, but it's not like it naturally evolved somehow. It's not like a talent for singing or dance or writing, which require minimal training. With piano, I had to learn how to read music, and there's a lot of technique as well that you have to develop before you can use the instrument with enough proficiency that you're thinking about the music and not how to play the notes. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm really grateful to my parents for providing me with the opportunity to learn something that I'll use the rest of the my life. They're not musicians, no one in my family is, but they saw it as something from which I would benefit. I just wish I could have continued with lessons. Next goal: to recommence lessons and work towards getting my grade 10 and teaching certificate!

90's music (plus gross generalizations)

I am feeling nostalgic. I recently acquired a "Top 250" compilation of 90's pop songs, and, I must say, it's awesome. For a long time I've said that 1992-3 was the best time for music. I'm not sure if I believe that now, but it's true that you can't have the same sort of collective moments for good music now, because basically everything good's fragmented. The only stuff that everyone hears now is the shitty ultra-commercial stuff. But come on, didn't Nevermind pretty much blow everyone's minds? Siamese Dream? Gosh, it's too bad the Smashing Pumpkins never did anything as good as that album...

Though, the main thing is that there was this sort of absent referent to all this angst, which made it even more pathetic (in a kind of good way). I mean, no one could really feel bad about much except their own existential struggle. Post Cold-War, pre-9/11, the focus was inwards. I don't even really think about it in same terms as the interwar period I study academically, because there was really visible tension then. In the 90s, we were too busy with OJ and MJ and John Bobbitt to realize all the shit that was going down. But yeah, I do think that it made people focus on the absurdity of the banal since there wasn't anything exciting going on on a larger scale (that people noticed).

Sometimes when discussing popular culture with my students I would make distinctions between culture pre- and post-9/11, and it occured to me belatedly that they probably don't even really remember pre-9/11. I mean, they do, but it's not like they remember much of the 1990's. It would be like me remembering before the USSR became Russia-et-al.

Obama New Yorker cover

I love satire and I generally really like the New Yorker. When I saw this cover, I didn't know what to think at first but I've since been mulling it over. I'm all for freedom of the press with extremely limited restrictions (generally, hate speech), and was even for the reprinting of the Mohammed cartoons, but this cover bothered me (not rioting bothered me, mind you, just a fleeting sense of annoyance). I saw Hardball with Chris Matthews, and to paraphrase his point, caricature (the type of satire in this case) should be about taking something that exists and exaggerating it ad absurdum. My extrapolation: the cover caricatures the wrong thing. The object of satire--the idiots who actually believe what's depicted--make no appearance in the image. We see only what those people have falsely interpollated into the Obama narrative, with no relation to any known reality. I think that's why there's all this talk about whether or not people are "getting it." Well, yes, most people are, but it takes a cognitive leap (that only takes a few moments, one would hope) to identify what's missing ("the point"). Subsequently, the problem is that Obama himself is mistaken for the object of satire--this is why it's not only tasteless, but a poor example of the form. It's not that I think that liberal magazines have a responsibility to portray the liberal candidate in a good light, but I do think they need to understand the complexities of representation and reception (that is their business, after all)!

The other issue, of course, is that some of the generally neutral signifiers (dap, afro, Islam) are made negative by association (black militancy, terrorism). This whole "being a Muslim" as a negative thing is quite disturbing, as in and of itself Islam's not any worse than religion-in-general (but then again, how can we decontextualize it from its manifest fundamental interpretations? then "neutrality" as a concept is untenable--nothing is innocent, ha ha). In the US, I would say Christian fundamentalists are more scary, because they're more unified--the Muslims are too few and diverse to become a strong political force.

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Addendum: Here's a funny cartoon.

Thinking about this a bit more, it seems like perhaps simply including title of the article, "The Politics of Fear" would be sufficient (and would serve as the object). It would also put the image in quotation marks, so to speak.

Of course, in a perfect world, this wouldn't even be a big deal at all. To quote the Russian from America's Next Top Model, "some people have war in their country."

Print Media

Today I renewed my subscription to the Globe and Mail. I always feel some hesitation at this, but I do like getting a newspaper. I don't really like the Globe though, and I complain about it often. I don't think they have any really excellent columnists, and there are two writers that I think are consistently idiotic, illogical, vapid (Margaret Wente and Leah McLaren -- does anyone read these bozos seriously?). There's something I like about holding the paper, reading it while I have my breakfast and coffee. I think it's part of my addiction to information. I like that it's a national paper, which is why I don't subscribe to the Montreal Gazette. Perhaps if I move to Ottawa, I'll subscribe to the Ottawa Citizen, though I really don't know anything about it.

I love magazines. I also renewed my subscription to the Walrus, and I hope the magazine stays good under the new editor. I usually like Vogue, but sometimes it bothers me (the whole Sex and the City spread, recently). I got a copy of Vogue India recently, and it's pretty good, but I hope it will improve with time. For a more local take on fashion I subscribe to Fashion magazine, based in Toronto--I like their pages on different shops in Canadian cities. I've been trying to save money, so I've been reading Vanity Fair and the New Yorker online instead of buying them. When I feel like splurging I get the Sunday Times...so good but $10/issue! I have so many books to read and so much work, but I do love newspapers and magazines. It's too bad getting a job in journalism is so impossible...maybe more so than academe!

The obligatory comment: I don't think the internet will kill print media. Yes, it's suffering, but I'm online more than most people and I still enjoy holding what I'm reading, being able to take it around. And I always recycle!

P.S. I'm getting the hang of using the links feature, as you can tell.

The Incompetence and Casual Cruelty of Fritz LeChat

A very large moth that flew in a couple days ago re-emerged today. I held Fritz like a gun (like a laser cat, if you've seen the SNL digital shorts) and went hunting for the moth. Fritz, despite his heightened feline senses, could not see the moth when it wasn't moving. When it was flying, he went crazy leaping into the air and chirruping after it. When he couldn't see the moth anymore, he sniffed, looked around, and meowed after it--"where have you gone? can't you hear me meowing for you?" It was cute and funny to watch him being incompetent hunting the moth, but as Fritz started winning, it became kind of sad. The moth was a real survivor. He got it in his mouth maybe half a dozen times and it always managed to fly out, even the time when he carried it across the apartment in triumph (when he reached his arbitrary destination, he opened his mouth and of course it escaped). Eventually, Fritz wore it down and it couldn't fly anymore, but it took about 20 minutes for him to deliver the coup de grace. He simply could not manage to chew it enough to prevent it from creeping out. I felt so sorry for the moth. Can they feel pain? Fritz kept giving up, looking around, meowing at me, putting his fluffy head down, and then returning to the moth. I don't know where it is now or if he did eventually eat it, but I do regret that this fun activity turned sour; I thought he would give it a quick death. Maybe I'm trying to disavow agency for the moth's suffering...

I prefer winter to summer. It's tooooo hot. Even when it's cool outside, it's hot in my apartment. Rargh!

Wall-E (mild spoilers)

I adore Wall-E. It's always interesting to look at, but parts of it are actually breathtaking. It's simple, with minimal dialogue, but still detailed visually. 2001: A Space Odyssey is one of my favourite movies, and Wall-E is an explicit homage. More subtly, the ending is like City Lights (well, the emphasis on slapstick, chance, charm, etc. is all Chaplinesque), but of course since it's Disney the mere recognition isn't enough for narrative closure, there has to be the final union (coinciding with the commencement of a new civilization). So much of it is about how we are a product of our environment, but ultimately it's about how we can transcend that. We don't have any access to the interiority of the robots, really, since they don't talk much. We get a sense from their actions and genstures, of course, but what's really smart is that we learn about Wall-E through external stuff like Hello Dolly--he's a hopeless romantic. So, in the end, they manage to give the robots their own subjectivity and consciousness even though they're programmed (at one point the plot turns on a robot going against programming). Anyway, it's a great romp through film history and a well-constructed story. It almost makes up for me having to sit through Sex and the City, if anything can.

Also I'm finishing up DS9. Sooooo gooood! I wish I'd gone through Seasons 4-6 more slowly. I'm going to have DS9 withdrawal soon! Voyager isn't as good, neither is Battlestar Galactica. Alas, nothing can make up for the loss of DS9...

DS9 Season 7, Sex and the City, In Bruges

I've been watching Season 7 of DS9, and it's pretty good. Spoiler warning: I think it's a shame that Jadzia had to die, not because I care so much about her specifically (it's an ensemble cast, so the other characters can carry the show), but that it makes me sad that they put Worf through all of that. Also, it takes up valuable time in the first few episodes to transition from the old Dax to the new, and it could be better spent on (existing) character development or narrative, etc. Oh well. I still love DS9.

I saw Sex and the City today, and it was truly awful. There are movies that are bad, and then there are movies that make you wish that you could recover the precious time that you wasted watching it. This movie is not merely bad. The product placement would be bad enough, but the narrative isn't even well constructed. Gosh, there must be better actual commercials. There were lots of episodes of the show I liked (though I always thought it had a class and race problem). This movie flattens the characters and makes women seem whiny, materialistic, manipulative, stubborn, demanding... I don't hate NYC in general (and I like a lot about it), but this movie reminds me of the things I hate about NYC: the obsession with status, class and race segregation (there's a "black" New Years Party that the token black person attends). I really can't stand Carrie. Normally I don't mind Miranda but she's a real bitch in this. It's scary that Samantha's story ends with her realizing she loves herself more than anything/one else, and we're supposed to take that as some sort of feminist stand. Charlotte is, well, annoying. Anthony Lane's review of SATC actually made me laugh more than the film itself.

I also saw In Bruges, and it was OK. I know it's a cliche to see your work everywhere, but I really think a lot of what I've been talking about in my current chapter (the rough draft of which is pretty much done) applies to In Bruges. It's this palimpsest view of history, in this old medieval city. Everything converges on a film set; action is predicated on something false or absent or incomprehensible. Time and memory etc are rewritten blah blah... Hell has this particular sort of ontology: layers of inescapable history--that's why Bruges is hell, because you can't get away from the past. He needs a new start so in the last shot he's moved to this sterile environment, then it cuts to the credits. There's also a lot of relating the cinematic and dream experiences. Lots of inversions. Anyway, I'm not sure the film itself was entirely successful. I think it needed more story. It was kind of slow in parts and I found my attention wandering. Though after Sex and the City, it was a masterpiece.

Morgenthaler, Beethoven, Thesis

I don't know why I read Margaret Wente's columns in the Globe, but somehow I can't help it. Maybe there's something appealing about getting angry in the morning, but I can't imagine that's it, since I also believe that much of what she writes is actually dangerous. Today's column was about Dr. Henry Morgenthaler, who recently received the Order of Canada for his work on abortion rights. Her thesis is that it should be safe, accessible, and rare, but she does not outline how society is somehow supposed to make people have less abortions while also increasing accessibility. It seems to me that she needs more to back up what she's saying (which is always her problem)--what are the demographics that are getting abortions? Are there less abortions in school districts that have better sex-ed programs and easily accessible contraception? But what really made me upset was this line: "You can't put all the blame on lack of access to sex education or birth control, which are readily available almost everywhere. Instead, it seems plain that a lot of women are using abortion as a substitute for birth control." What?! How is that "plain"? And aren't there many places that don't have adequate sex-ed? Or condoms in the schools? Perhaps I am being naive, but I cannot imagine how anyone would use abortion as a birth control method. Though Wente claims to be pro-choice, this seems like what anti-abortion people say. More to the point, if you're someone crazy enough to use abortion as birth control, there's probably nothing "society" can do to change your habits, and making abortion less accessible is a health risk we should not tolerate. Wente is always full of contradictions and she really doesn't pursue her statements to their logical conclusions. Yes, I would write in the margins, "substantiate," "clarify logic," "develop consequences." Goodness!

In other news, I've been working on some Beethoven sonatas. For the past few weeks, I've been tackling the F minor, Op.2, No.1 --mostly the first and fourth movements. The third movement is nice, but short, and the second movement I'll look at later. I need more discipline for the second movements; when I start, I like the thrill of the faster first and last. The fourth movement is really fun to play. A couple days ago I started playing around with the G minor, Op.49, No.1, and it's easy enough to sight-read with satisfaction. I've been honing the C minor, Op.10, No.1 for a while now and it's improving with age, especially the slow second movement. Of course, I also like storming my way through the Pathetique and the gentle melancholy of the Moonlight. I've been listening to some recordings, and some people use more pedal than others. If any pianists are reading--what are your thoughts about this? I tend to use as little pedal as possible, but I often need it because my hands are so small. My old piano teacher used to hate using pedal with Beethoven. I'd been playing Chopin for so long, I got used to it, but Beethoven certainly does lend itself to a drier sound. Especially in the first movement of Op.10, No.1 I use very little pedal because I remember playing if the first time (with some pedal) for my piano teacher and she left my 16 year-old self in tears. In any case, these early sonatas are not nearly as interesting or complex, as, say, Pathetique, but still fun to play! I do wish my hands were bigger, as Beethoven likes those octaves! I feel handicapped! I should add some Bach and Mendelssohn to the mix, and perhaps ressurect my Mozart concerto in D minor (no.20). If I won the lottery, I really would just play piano all day.

My second chapter is progressing, nearing completion, perhaps even in the next 24 hours. I feel a sense of anxiety that I may not have enough time to revise, and believe me my drafts are rough. Yet when I read through passages, without the pressure of writing, I'm reminded of how beautiful and astute Bowen's writing is, and it feels like a privilege to be working with such wonderful material. If I had another month or two, I feel my thesis could be my best work thus far (which is as it should be, ideally). Oh well, we shall see!

Far Beyond the Stars, Thesis

I just saw the episode of DS9 "Far Beyond the Stars." It's really one of the best ones. Gosh, Avery Brooks is amazing, both as actor and director. There's a scene near the end that will have you in tears. It's really difficult to make an episode so "meta" but somehow they pull it off without being gimmicky. Watch it!

I've been thinking about why I'm having so many problems writing my thesis. It's hard to sit down and concentrate, but that's not the whole problem. I need more time to live with me ideas, and more time to develop them. What I have written down seems to me basically a list of interesting things loosely connected. If I were in grading mode, I would write "consequences? develop" in the margins. I am disappointed primarily because I think it could be quite good, but I probably don't have the time. If my fall job doesn't require me to have completely finished my degree, I think I may try to extend the thesis into the fall... Yes, it's time for me to leave school, but my thesis is really important to me, and I would hate to shortchange it.