Dear blog, you have not heard from me in a while. I haven't been writing at all anymore, and I feel like it's something that I need to do. You see, in the end, it's a problem of commitment. I wish I were more creative, but it isn't that I've tried and failed. It's much worse--I haven't tried at all. It's a fear of commitment and intimacy, both of which have the potential for hurt and betrayal. Let's say I wanted to write a poem. Poetry terrifies me. First I would have to commit to a topic, to words, punctuation. These choices could not be distant from me; on the contrary, they would inevitably reveal something intimate. If I didn't like what I wrote--which seems inescapable now--my commitment would betray me. I would have attached myself to something personal that actually sucks, and be even more scared to try again.
So...what the fuck is wrong with me? I need to start something. This blog is one of those things. Before the summer is up, I should do something creative--maybe a short story, maybe a song. I can't be afraid anymore. Blog--I won't be a stranger!
5 years ago